I thought of all the goodbyes I would make, be certain everything was in good order, how I would make sure my animals were cared for, and most important of all--that my daughter would be OK. But I would force and kick my way out of that hideous place to be and simply believe that this had come as a reminder that life is to be lived, enjoyed, savored, appreciated, every second of the day. Because it is a gift, the biggest and the best gift of all- a life.
And I reminded myself that the mind is the strongest thing we have for being well, that if we think good thoughts, good things will happen. And I did yoga, and turned my bad thoughts away, exchanging them for the good ones. And sometimes I felt simply that what is--is. And that all I can really do is be positive, trudge through the steps to wherever I need to go.
I took walks while I waited for the appointment that would tell me what I needed to know, I saw the simplest thing with a newfound delight--the way the pelicans cluster together before dipping down to scoop up their catch, the way the sun hid behind the trees and I could catch it by moving only slightly, the way the deer paid so perfect attention while I took their photograph, and realizing they could trust me, lowered their heads again to munch the dry grass.
I thought of someone I loved so dearly who held my hand when I was scared so long ago. And I promised myself that from this day forward I will move forward, savor each day, find joy in all the little things, live like a warrior, not a prisoner of fear.
I am happy today.
